Transitional objects, like Linus's baby blanket, or a dirty
teddy bear, have erotic significance, whether they be sucked,
stroked, held, or used for masturbation. Like the stool,
they're somehow part of the child's view of himself. They
must be treated with concern.
One father wrinkles his nose
and pries a grubby blanket loose from Alice, an indignant
two-year-old. An incident for Daddy, an insult for Alice. Her
blanket is her comfort and pleasure.
If it's dirty, so is Alice. If
Daddy dislikes it, he objects to her also and the pleasures she
receives from her blanket.
Daddy needs to talk nicely to the
blanket and to Alice before he gently removes the tattered
remnant and dunks it in the washing machine.
A diaper is an effective deterrent to masturbation. Once it
is removed, there's little to prevent the hand from rubbing,
kneading, or stroking.
Many a toddler seizes this opportunity
to pleasure himself at bedtime or when there's little else
to do.
Yet Spock and others warn of "excessive masturbation"
caused by anxiety or conflict. How much is too much? "Excessive
masturbation" is rare, but it does occur. Most unusual at
two, it remains uncommon at five.
A more descriptive term
would be "compulsive masturbation," which connotes the
driven and singularly joyless quality of this activity. Other
signs of an emotional disturbance are present, as with Peter
and Faith in Chapter 10.
The child is never satisfied, and
uses every opportunity to continue. If restrained, he becomes
more anxious and will find a way in spite of parental wrath.
Parents often wonder if the child has an irritation or an itch,
for the genitals are red and raw from such prolonged rubbing.
Pinworms and urethritis are rarely implicated.
Compulsive
masturbation can be easily recognized as there's no
real pleasure involved. Sex has become an expression of anxiety
or anger.
Healthy masturbation doesn't interfere with activities
such as taking a walk with Daddy or climbing the stairs.
It
accompanies relaxation, inactivity, and passive pleasuring
such as taking a bath or listening while Mother reads a story.
It's easily validated by a nod or a smile.
Occasionally, youngsters
will stroke or finger the genitals at times and in places
which are inappropriate, as while riding on a train or swinging
in the park.
This may be viewed as similar to eating
chicken with the fingers-delightful at home, but perhaps
poor manners in company.
A tactful "not now, wait until
later," accompanied if necessary by removing the child's
hand, are not amiss as long as the child already knows that
you accept and enjoy his eroticism.
The child who isn't certain
of your feelings needs clarification and extra reassurance.
The erotic toddler is enthusiastic and spontaneous.
He
searches for pleasure with confidence, but already needs a
few guidelines. He asks for what he wants, but doesn't expect
gratification every time. His behavior is acceptable, but far
from perfect. He remains proud of both his body and its products.