There are many kinds of reciprocal relationships: The
mother demands and the baby acquiesces; he pleads and she
nurtures; she cries and he gets angry. The kind of reciprocity
which promotes wholesome sex is one of mutual give and
take.
These simple games for the older infant promote
healthy reciprocity. The first is to blow forcefully in a hollow
of the infant's skin, as below the neck, under the arm, or into
the navel. This results in a flatuslike explosion and a delightful
tickle.
The infant is encouraged to reciprocate in kind.
Don't expect too much, for this is a complicated sequence.
Most infants will push or lick the parent and make a noise.
Most essential is the parent's reaction-one of exaggerated
delight.
The infant feels proud and potent, having created
pleasure in another, most important, person. Feeding one
another is a game which demands the mother's mimicry for
full effect.
Splashing each other in the bathtub or tickling
and scratching one another while lying on the bed are additional
exercises. With a little imagination, you can devise a
dozen other games.
Separation from the mother is scary for the older infant.
The mother has always responded to his needs and soothed
his misery before, but now when the door closes, all is over.
He's tiny, helpless, and utterly impotent.
These feelings are
understandable, but if they persist they will inevitably
impede his erotic response. The man who feels impotent
either fulfills that role or expends enormous energy proving
otherwise.
The woman who feels impotent gives up easily
and is afraid to explore or ask for what she needs. Thus,
potency needs to be cultivated from infancy on up, every step
of the way. For the infant who's first experiencing separation,
games such as "Peek-a-boo" and "Bye-bye" build confidence
and provide gratification.
In "Bye-bye" the mother waves and
pretends to leave. In seconds she reappears to scoop her babe
in a giant embrace. Next it's the infant's turn, while the
mother asks petulantly, "Where's my baby?" The reunion is
equally joyful. "Peek-a-boo" is a simpler version, using the
hands or a blanket.
Again the infant's active participation is
vital. For a moment, the helpless child is transformed into a
magician or commanding general-an experience in potency.
Teaching the infant to swim has been in vogue for a number
of years.
Initially these programs were sold to the public
as the stylish acquisition of an essential skill. "You, Mother,
can have the only infant on the block to swim twelve feet
without taking a breath." Of course these expert tadpoles
lost that ability if they didn't continue to swim. They learned
again at a later age.
The real payoff from infant swimming
has nothing to do with skill. A wet, wriggly, naked body,
ecstatic in the sensuous delights of water and the defiance of
gravity, is hard to resist.
Make the most of it. The basic format
is similar to "Bye-bye." The instructor supports the little
girl some feet away, while mother holds out her arms. The
infant swims to her enthusiastic embrace.
The child can
scarcely contain her joy; she's done something great. As she
clasps her thighs about her mother's waist, clitoral impressions
add to her gusto.
Can the infant receive too much stimulation through
these activities? Will eroticism take over the child? Data
from many cultures yields an emphatic "no." Sexual enthusi
asm and activity don't lessen achievement and in some cases
may enhance it. Early stimulation does provide the rich soil
which, with time and continued nurturance, will produce a
lush, mature eroticism.