Nancy's hypothesis began when mother taught her to...

Nancy's hypothesis began when mother taught her to wipe from front to back and insisted that she change her underpants when they were stained. Some months later, Nancy saw her cousin Jack urinate. Cousin Jack didn't even use toilet tissue. Nancy asked her mother why, and her mother replied, "Boys don't have to worry." Nancy thought girls were dirty because only girls needed to use toilet paper. If Nancy had held her genitals in high esteem before these minor incidents, no such hypothesis would have been necessary. The genitals should have been named before age two, but now the child needs to understand more about what they mean. To explain the clitoris is especially awkward for parents because it's the only organ whose sole business is sexual pleasure. Parents have used the term "vagina" because that has an explainable function: It's the passage through which babies are born. The penis is even easier because it's an unparalleled device for shooting urine in the pot. The older child may be told that it also carries semen or plants a seed.

The message parents avoid at all cost is that the primary use for genitals is to feel good. Aesthetics are also omitted from the lesson. "Does it look good?" is a common concern for all of us, including the preschool child. To declare that a girl is special because she can have babies is helpful, but how will she know her clitoris is pretty? A young lady who thinks she has a dirty bottom which smells bad isn't benefited by knowing that her uterus will function well someday. Parents can say simply and directly, "That's your clitoris. It's very pretty and it gives you good feelings." The boy may be told, "This is your penis, it's handsome, it shoots urine a long way, and it feels great when you touch it."

Preschool children are less intrigued by copulating animals than they will be in a few years. The dog's genitals, however, are fascinating. Youngsters may poke or tease for curiosity and pleasure. Babies' genitals are charming also. The child may rub or kiss them to see what happens. Although terribly upsetting to parents, this is only an experiment, unless the child has been exploited sexually by adults or older peers. Girls this age may receive their first intense arousal when licked by a friendly puppy. Loose-fitting panties and the puppy's natural bent may surprise and please. Unless the child is sorely constricted, isolated, or depressed, this is but a happy event which contributes to her overall eroticism. A catastrophe can occur if the little girl and puppy are caught enjoying one another. If the parents are disgusted or angry, or if they dispose of the dog, the child's eroticism can be severely damaged.

A good nursery school provides sex education. Other children and animals are the teachers. However, not all nursery schools are alike, and more than a few consistently frustrate the development of eroticism. Descriptive brochures rarely mention sex. The best way to find out is to visit the school and talk to the teachers. Look for shared bathroom facilities, the presence of pets such as rabbits or guinea pigs of both sexes, and tree houses, forts, or other small enclosures. The proportion of free time available and the teacher's ability to be frank and open in discussing sex are important. Ask questions such as "What do you do if Johnny pulls down Mary's panties?" and "What happens if a child watches the rabbits copulate?" If the teacher is comfortable in responding to these questions, she may be able to field your child's. Happy Days preschool supplies its children with finger paint, sand, and clay for a free play period early in the morning. By the end of the hour the room can scarcely be recognized. Next comes a cleanup in which all participate. Then children sit in a circle while the teacher displays each child's work of art. Teachers smile and clap while the children nudge and giggle. Milk and cookies follow, and youngsters are reminded to use the toilet. For the next ten minutes there's a watch-and-wait line inside the bathroom. The teacher enters only when a child requests help, as with a zipper. A cage of hamsters sits on the playroom floor and outside is a rabbit pen.

Three blocks away is the Serendipity nursery school. Each morning children manipulate form boards, hook together alphabet letters shaped like jungle animals, and learn to use scissors. Those who master simple sums or who can tie a shoelace are pinned with a large gold star. Teachers demonstrate the proper use of toys, including a computerlike device which rewards youngsters for matching colors correctly. The children are developing "school readiness." Boys and girls are sent separately to the bathroom. The younger ones are accompanied by a teacher who supervises the use of toilet paper and the washing of hands. The child who pulls too much toilet paper off the roll is politely but firmly discouraged. Although the school has no pets, children are taken on weekly trips to farms, museums, a tomato paste factory, and a fish hatchery.