Mother spoke to other parents who employed Mrs. Grey. They reported many benefits and no emotional problems. After two months, Michelle was worse. She seldom smiled and no longer asked to be taken to the park. Mother decided to visit Mrs. Grey's for a half-day session. Within the first hour it was evident that Mrs. Grey had a mission to train children correctly. She adhered to a rigid schedule and was quick to cite any infraction. Her voice revealed intense anger at an insubordinate child. Obedient children were plied with cookies, stories, and play materials, while disobedient youngsters sat in the corner.
Over coffee, Mrs. Grey listed her child-rearing principles.
Any improper behavior was due to the parents' laziness or
stupidity. Michelle had "come around" pretty well and Mrs.
Grey gave pointers on how to maintain that improvement at
home. No child in her charge had ever shown any interest in
sex except one little boy from a "dirty family." Since his
mother was divorced, he must have been seeing "bad things"
at night, which caused him to cradle his crotch whenever
Mrs. Grey sat him in the comer. The more Mrs. Grey scolded
him, the firmer his grip became.
Finally, she told his mother
to take him elsewhere-her only failure in fifteen years.
Michelle was transferred to a day-care center. After two
weeks she was so enthusiastic that she forgot to kiss her
mother good-bye. She was again an impulsive, distractible,
but often delightful child. At home she once more played
with the older children and tested every household rule.
When company arrived, Michelle knew that her parents
couldn't pay much heed to her. Her favorite trick was to wander
nude through the living room. She delighted in the
guests' bemused stares and her parents' embarrassment.
Expecting that Michelle would grow out of it, her mother paid
no attention. Michelle undressed faster, more frequently, and
embellished her performance with grotesque postures, protruding
her bottom toward the guests. Exasperated beyond
permissiveness, her father marched Michelle to the bedroom
and forbade her reentrance until she was both clothed and
polite. A subdued Michelle reappeared in time for dinner.
Several days later her mother suggested a Saturday morning
play session where Michelle and a four-year-old neighbor boy
could romp naked in the backyard under the lawn sprinkler
and smear one another with mud.
When the two were utterly exhausted she hosed them down and returned their clothes.
Although Michelle had made good progress in kindergarten,
her teacher wondered if she were mature enough for
first grade. She promoted Michelle on the strength of the
first-grade teacher who had dealt successfully with other dif
ficult children. Michelle did surprisingly well. Although still
moody and easily upset, she was in the top reading group
and had several close friends.
Michelle was a difficult child blessed with sensible parents,
who individualized their approach to suit Michelle's
temperament. Michelle required greater patience and empathy
than the other children. Her parents adjusted their
expectations and protected her from situations which she
was unable to handle. They helped her to control her own
behavior without forfeiting spontaneity or pleasure.
Difficult children are likely to have problems, including
sexual conflicts. Even easy children encounter major hurdles
such as illness, divorce, or irresponsible parenting.
Some teachers are rigid and some children hyperactive. Some parents
are trauma for children, and some children are trauma
for parents. How can the sex drive survive? If, in spite of all
vicissitudes, the child perceives his genitals as pretty and
pleasing in the first six years of life, his sexual response will
remain healthy in spite of other, sometimes serious, emotional
problems.
The next four chapters are devoted to developing the
child's erotic foundation.