Most children this age like and respect their parents. Parents are in an excellent position to guide the growth of sexual responsibility, which follows the same patterns of maturation as other values. For instance, the rule "Don't hit kid sister Eunice" generalizes into "Be considerate of those who are smaller and weaker." Contingencies are added so that it becomes acceptable for a fifth-grade boy to defend himself against a large fourth-grade girl threatening him with a rock, providing there's no teacher present to whom he can appeal.
The basic components of sexual responsibility are to
consider the feelings of the other person and to avoid physical,
social, or emotional damage. Sex for exploitation is out,
as are force and dishonesty. The partner's full and judicious
consent is essential. If the parents have shown consideration
for one another, and for the child, he already has a basis in
sexual responsibility. Now the concept can be expanded, and
contingencies added.
The number and kind of restrictions which parents
impose on the child's erotic activities depend on many factors.
An impulsive youngster with poor judgment may need a
few more rules. Parents who are sexually confused or constricted
may recommend stricter limits or greater license
than advisable. Some liberal parents focus on the attainment
of intimacy and present sex as a means to intensify a
relationship. Religious parents may be sexually comfortable
but feel that coitus is best reserved for marriage. Even
strong prohibitions can be tolerated without harming the
sexual response, providing the child has a solid erotic foundation.
The confident, unembarrassed youngster can inhibit
sexual expression without damaging his potential. He needs
to retain some outlet such as masturbation, and he needs the
ongoing emotional support from family and church. As with
Grace in Chapter 3, a vigorous erotic response is not incompatible
with early abstinence.
Kinsey clearly demonstrates that religion is no deterrent
to the erotic response, although the more devoted often delay
their sexual activities. Religion can aid sex by clarifying
expectations and defining roles.
Religion provides the playing
field with luminous markers, freshly painted goalposts
and a decisive referee. However, when religious principles
dictate punishment for early masturbation and the cultivation
of shame, the erotic response must suffer. Most religions
today no longer object on principle to preschool erotic behavior-"
child's play." It's a small step from acceptance to
encouragement.
Enhancing eroticism may superficially be confused with
exploiting children sexually. Aren't the producers of child
porno encouraging eroticism? Indeed they are-together
with an utter lack of responsibility and gross dehumanization.
The youngster is a commodity, as is sex itself. Tenderness
is an unwelcome obstacle. The child forfeits his right to
the gradual evolution of sexual interests and expertise. He
pays dearly for his heightened erotic response.
The child who hasn't delivered papers, cared for younger
children, mowed the lawn, or done any other meaningful
work will have a problem when he enters the labor force. The
youngster reared by a doting, ever helpful mother is likely to
strew clothes on the floor and oversleep when in college. The
child who has learned to be polite and remain silent when
angry will not easily express resentment to his mate. Above
all, children need to learn behavior which will serve them in
good stead as adults. This concept applies to sex also. Expectations
for adults and children need to match as closely as
possible.