A young university couple wished to limit their family to two children. The firstborn boy, Walter, was raised according to child-development manuals and Dr. Ginott. The grandmother's helpful hints to the contrary were politely deflected, as the couple felt that it was their responsibility to raise their children better than they had been raised. Consequently, Walter was weaned from the breast at six months and not toilet- trained until two years.
He was provided with Playskool
toys and books which were read to him at bedtime. He knew
the colors and could print his name at age four. When Walter
entered nursery school he was a tractable child who obeyed
rules and liked to learn. In the children's bathroom at nursery
school, Walter forgot his own urinary pressures while
watching the girls. He seemed startled when teacher gently
reminded him that he was there for a purpose.
When Walter was four years old, an infant brother,
Michael, was born. By that time the family was well established,
and the mother felt competent and secure as a parent.
She read fewer books and spent more time holding,
nuzzling, and playing games with Michael. She reluctantly
weaned him at nine and a half months because she knew
that longer suckling was unusual. Realizing that this was
her last infant, she indulged him fully. The father was less
demanding with Michael than he had been with Walter. He
read and wrestled with both boys.
At the nursery school, Michael was described as likable,
with a good sense of humor. One teacher tended to favor
Michael and sometimes gave him more attention than the
other children. Michael enjoyed the community bathroom
and often persuaded two little girls to watch him urinate.
Walter is now almost seventeen and Michael thirteen.
Walter has begun to date now that he has a part-time job and
some money saved. He is anxious about girls and asks his
parents many questions. He plans to attend a large state
university next year.
Michael is less organized but more
enthusiastic than his brother. His grades are good although
he seldom studies except before a test. Girls in his class call
him frequently on the telephone and he loves it. Although he
has never been on a formal date, he is most often in the company
of the opposite sex.
Recently Walter informed his mother that Michael was
reading "dirty books." His mother, already aware of some
salacious material in Michael's underwear drawer, asked
Walter what he thought was "dirty." Walter intimated that
Michael was spending several hours each afternoon reading
Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex. His
mother, with a twinkle in her eye, corralled and confronted
Michael, who readily admitted to his research. He snickered
and said, "It's not going to be any of that three-minute stuff
for me!" Mother was convulsed with laughter. Michael was
an unlikely candidate for sex therapy.
Like many a firstborn child, Walter was the more constrained
and responsible of the children. Yet his parents
never consciously inhibited Walter. They did persistently
emphasize the value of achievement; work came first. Body
intimacies such as hugging and sitting close were secondary
to learning the correct answer and behaving properly.
Achievement and good behavior were also emphasized with
Michael, but were balanced by the mutual enjoyment of body
warmth and closeness.