THE mother of four-month-old infant sighs, "It certainly will be nice when she can do more things." In fact, the infant under six months is doing a great deal. The brain expands at a phenomenal rate, becoming infinitely more complex as the baby makes sense out of no sense. Leboyer was the first to emphasize the importance of an early erotic experience. A gentle delivery, warmth, support-even music-can promote eroticism at any age. The infant smiles-and for good reason. Pleasant feelings differentiate later to become genital sensations and a need to be close.
How can parents help this process along at home? Most
mothers and fathers instinctively handle the young infant
with care. In this culture the mother serves as the primary
parent, although fathers could fulfill the role just as well. Yet
even concerned, responsible parents differ vastly in parenting
style. One mother mechanically slaps on a fresh diaper
while gossiping on the telephone, the receiver pinched precariously
between shoulder and cheek. Another babbles to
her three-month-old, knowing full well the baby can't understand.
A third combs her infant's hair, and carefully places a
bow on the topmost wisp. A fourth wraps hers like five
pounds of salami and bundles him off to the sitter's.
Her handling is abrupt and very firm. As she rushes toward a dead
line, she may smell different also. Each of these infants
receives a characteristic pattern of stimulation, and comes to
perceive the world in different terms. Impersonal mothers
yield children who don't get too close. Frighteningly efficient
mothers may produce bumbling youngsters. Mothers who
parade their best-dressed children in order to be praised rear
offspring who value appearance. Mothers who are erotically
involved with their infants raise sexy children.
Erotic parenting means the time and ability both to give
and receive pleasure from the infant. This includes the
attainment of body intimacy, which means the acceptance
and enjoyment of all the infant's bodily functions and products.
Sexual strivings must be recognized and encouraged,
just like any other vital function. To do this the parent must
first welcome the child as a sensual being. The parent who
nuzzles, cuddles, and rubs not only soothes the infant and
promotes an attachment but also develops the child's erotic
potential. The application of delicately scented and delightfully
creamy lotions to the genitals isn't just for hygiene or,
as the label indicates, to protect against harmful bacteria.
Lotions and oils are highly sensuous and the genital contact
distinctly erotic.
What difference does it make anyway to call a spade a
spade? After all, good mothers have always patted and powdered
the penis and swabbed the clitoris. Haven't children
always received sexual stimulation? They have indee-along
with many a mixed message. One mother rubs away until an
erection occurs-then she avoids the penis and pins on the
diaper. A father blows bubbles in his son's navel until the
ecstatic infant produces an erection. The father stops. When
a six-month-old pushes her rubber ducky into her crotch, the
plug is plucked from the tub and she's swept off in a towel.
Genital contact is strictly in the service of hygiene, indeed an
asexual concept.
The term "infant stimulation" illustrates our need to see
babies as asexual beings. "Adult stimulation" immediately
brings to mind erotic movies or secluded trysts. An erotic
device, the vibrator, is known as a "stimulator." A thousand
coital accouterments are to "enhance stimulation" and sex
manuals expound on stimulation techniques. Not so "infant
stimulation," which is a nationwide, well-funded program
designed to promote the baby's cognitive skills. The infant is
provided with toys to manipulate and crib mobiles to develop
eye-hand coordination. The focus is everywhere except on
the genitals. Applied to infants, "stimulation" becomes a
term devoid of any erotic connotation.