If his mother is too understanding toward Herman's proposition there may be no resolution at all. Herman can feel ever on the verge of success because his mother never really says, "No." He remains afraid of his father, and uninterested in other women. His mother can say, "You have a very nice penis, but it isn't a present that a son gives his mother. Father gives me his and that's the right way. Later, you'll find a girl and give her yours."
Jacqueline's oedipal struggle is no less poignant than Herman's,
although the subtle maneuvers she employs are less
distressing. Jacqueline still has a problem finding her own
clitoris, so she can scarcely offer it to Daddy. She offers her
entire body instead. Her father perceives her as sweet and
cuddly and is amused at her courtship. It's hard for Daddy to
say "No" with conviction. Yet her father must set limits just
as surely as the mother must with Herman. This can be done
without rejecting Jacqueline's eroticism, by a statement
such as "You're cute, and sexy, too, but Mommy's my sweetheart
and you're my child. Someday you'll have a man to
make love to you the way I make love to Mommy." The
father's recognition of Jacqueline's sexuality is essential for
her healthy erotic growth.
Most young girls have had precious
little approval from the opposite sex by the oedipal
stage, whereas most boys have seen their bodies mirrored in
the appreciative eyes of their mothers for years. The cues
which will ease Jacqueline's entry into the adult sex role necessarily
must come from her father, who represents all men.
If Jacqueline knows that her father values her sexuality,
then she will expect acceptance from her mate.
The mother's task is to aid Jacqueline's sense of femaleness
by involving her in activities in which she can feel competent.
The household tasks of cooking, making beds, and
washing clothes are convenient and acceptable but only if
the mother herself enjoys these pursuits.
This, however, is
prime time to broaden the girl's concept of femininity, ameliorating
the passivity which impairs the female response. If
the mother habitually gets what she wants from the father
by manipulation, she and Jacqueline can practice asking
directly for things. Mother and daughter can form a team in
competitive sports such as kickball and volleyball. "Slapjack"
and "go fish" are excellent games to enhance assertion. As
the mother openly savors victory, she gives Jacqueline permission
to do the same. The mother and Jacqueline can learn
to repair a bicycle tire, hang shelves, and change the oil in
the family car. Whenever a skill is developed or a difficult
task complete, her potency is enhanced. The father's support
and approval confirm Jacqueline's worth as a competent
female.
Clitoral recruitment is the mother's task. It's easy to compliment
Jacqueline on the grace and symmetry of her body,
but what accolade is there for a clitoris? If the mother still
bathes Jacqueline, she begins by noting its beauty and propensity
for feeling good. Now, Jacqueline needs more than
this; she needs to know how her clitoris relates to other people,
and how it compares to other organs. Would Daddy like
it if he saw it? Does Daddy like Mommy's clitoris? Why is it
tiny compared to her brother's penis? Is his penis better
because it's bigger? Why doesn't her clitoris get big and stick
out? Does it get bigger later? Mother replies simply and with
candor. Indeed, the clitoris is smaller and will never gain the
impressive stature of the penis.
It's hidden and therefore
harder to stimulate. Yet it holds a very special, concentrated
pleasure. The mother can comment that the nicest gifts
sometimes come in the smallest packages. She can indicate
that her clitoris gives her as much pleasure as Daddy's penis
gives him when they make love. Jacqueline may wonder if
the clitoris is tucked away because it's bad or ugly. The
mother can compare it to a wrapped and beribboned Christmas
present to emphasize that objects are not hidden to conceal
a lesser worth.