HAVE YOU GOT WHAT I GOT?
(AGES TWO THROUGH FOUR)
THESE are exciting years. Children are off the lap and into
the backyard. There are tricycles to be pedaled, puppies to be
chased, and flowers to be picked. Words are now entrancing
tools which can bring fairies to the bedside or persuade
Mother that the beach is better than cleaning house.
The
child appreciates the magic of the milk which mysteriously
appears outside the door on Monday and of Daddy's voice in
the telephone receiver.
He expects that adults can make miracles,
that trains can fly, and that children may be eaten by
vacuum cleaners. The world is an elixir packed with delight,
yet strangely unpredictable.
At the seashore four-year-old Trudy concocts a new sensation.
She pulls open the elastic waist of her swim suit and
dumps in a pail of shells and water. Add seaweed for spice.
Five minutes later, she covers her legs with sand, wiggling
her toes to prove they still exist. She lies on her back in the
shallow water, pokes holes in the mud with a stick, and
splashes her baby brother. Her father tells Trudy to put on a
shirt to prevent sunburn.
Trudy nods, but forgets her
father's instructions as she sprinkles sand on a very dead
starfish. In a half hour Trudy investigates a dozen erotic sen
sations. She can't select the one she likes best or relinquish
any of the other joys she's discovered. She has a repertoire of
genital pleasures, none of which snares her attention for
long. Trudy is a healthy, erotic four-year-old.
Passive pleasuring seems lost as the child putters and
bustles about the home. The enfolding arms of a mother or
the silky softness of the father's chest haven't lost their
charm-but there's so little time. Often a youngster's exhilaration
is terminated only by collapse in bed.
The sensitive
parent insists on a few quiet time-outs each day. A siesta is
reserved for back scratching, holding, nuzzling, and snuggling.
Naptime stories in a rocking chair balance the hectic
pace of the morning hours and emphasize the importance of
receiving pleasure.
Rarely, a youngster becomes all too invested in passive
pleasuring, to the exclusion of swings, slides, and other children.
This is most often a girl from a small family who's been
protected and cuddled.
Elizabeth is such a youngster. One
afternoon at the park her brother, Tommy, runs to his father
crying and complaining that a bad boy took his tricycle. The
father tells Tommy that the other boy is exactly his size.
Tommy is to demand his tricycle back. Ten minutes later,
Elizabeth arrives weeping.
Another little girl threw sand in
her face. Her father hugs her, dries her tears, and suggests
that they return home. At home, Elizabeth is a pretty child
who prefers to remain inside. She loves to have her hair
curled and to be read fairy tales.
Elizabeth can hardly be
blamed for preferring the shelter of a lap to the rigors of the
playground. Her balance of pleasure has already tipped precariously
away from active enjoyment. She expects to be
given whatever she needs later in life, she may wait for her
mate to provide her with a climax, and be angry when he
fails to predict her erotic needs.
Little girls, as well as little
boys, need to be dusted off and dispatched back into the fray
to settle any reasonable problem. (Baumarind, 1972).