Erotic gratification begins as a diffuse sensation involving the whole body. He feels sexy in much the same way he feels hungry-all over. He's either satiated and asleep or screaming with frustration. As his mother picks him up, cuddles and feeds him, he becomes acquainted with warmth, the mother's scent, sweetness in his mouth, and pressure on his genitals. His bowels stop grumbling and his penis may erect. He's learning what feels good. Eventually he will seek these pleasures.
At five months
he squirms and wriggles with excitement as the breast
approaches. He grasps it fiercely with both fists and sucks
vigorously. He has established a drive-for hunger, sex, and
closeness. All three blend and mingle as one. At eight months
the infant distinguishes between various forms of pleasure.
He can do many things for himself, such as eat toast without
his mother's help or feel his genitals if he is so inclined. This
ability to do different things at different times aids in separating
one drive from another. Even so, countless interrelations
between the need for food, warmth, and erotic
sensations persist into adult life.
An intimate conversation
in front of a fire is a fine aphrodisiac at any age.
There is another extremely significant change during the
first year which affects erotic expression during the entire life
span. The child forms a meaningful relationship with his
mother or whoever is his primary caretaker. This doesn't
occur in the first half year because then the infant has only the
dimmest perception of his environment. He's far more concerned
with inner tensions than the outer world. If his tummy
is full and his intestines placid, he's more than likely asleep.
His mother contributes to the pleasantness of his emotional
climate simply by heeding his cues and predictably providing
him with a spectrum of gratifications as she rocks, soothes,
and changes him. Recently researchers have discovered that
even newborns can recognize the mother. Yet for months the
mother exists as an evanescent extension of the baby's neediness
rather than as a separate individual. When he cries, his
mother appears like a genie to do his bidding; when he's comfortable,
he pays her scant attention.
He accepts a strange
baby-sitter with equanimity-providing his needs are quickly
met. In the second six months the child sees his mother as a
separate person. He realizes that she responds not only to his
command but to other pressures as well. His self-esteem suffers;
his mother is not his servant. He's been demoted from
general to recruit. If the mother leaves him with another person
his world crumbles; he whimpers, sucks his thumb, and
petulantly refuses the kindest offerings. Now the relationship
with his mother is a reciprocal, highly charged, and all-
encompassing commitment. He's acutely aware of her mood
and attitude, for she is his first sweetheart. If his mother is
happy or sad, he will know it. If she avoids looking at or touching
his penis, he will know that too.
It's within this essential relationship that body intimacy
develops. Body intimacy is a physical and emotional link
which forms between the needy, dependent infant and his
loving mother. It is predicated upon the early, eager, joyful
inclusion of another warm, responsive being-without reservation
or contingency. Highly erotic, this bond is the foundation
for all later intimacies. The mother's emotional state is
crucial during the construction of this link, for the child must
find himself mirrored in his mother's eyes. (Winnecott, 1971)