A NUMBER of years ago the children who presented themselves to the child psychiatrist were anxious, striving, depressed, or neurotic. They were enjoyable to treat because they usually got better. The children who lied, stole, or refused to work were handled routinely-by priests, a switch at school, or parents who were not loath to make their feelings an important influence in the life of the child. Those parents sometimes felt helpless and guilty, too, but somehow the child shared in their culpability so that they were miserable together.
We still see neurotic children, albeit in lesser numbers.
But there are different children in the waiting room now,
stomping Play-Doh in the rug. These are the "enfants terribles."
They are crafty and well aware of their parents' weaknesses
and their therapist's limitations. Reared with copious
love and minimal responsibility, they expect everything and
are furious when denied anything. Parental ulcers, high
blood pressure, and depression are met with disdain. These
self-indulgent autocrats control the family and insist on
being the center of attention. Well-stuffed, protected, and
regularly immunized, they claim eternal nurturance. Life is
an umbilical cord attached to an endless reservoir of vanilla
pudding. When faced with adversity they push, plead, whine,
and screech; or they tearfully complain, "You never told me."
Undisciplined, with scant social skills, they are disliked by
peers and neighbors.When angered they attack a smaller
sibling, twist the cat's tail, or accuse their mother of lack of
love.
Seen as immature in kindergarten, they are labeled
"hyperactive" in second grade and are eventually referred to
the psychiatrist simply because the teacher can't stand
them. Unfortunately, standard therapy techniques make
them worse. The permissive approach, which provides a
plethora of toys and encourages infantile behavior, is a recapitulation
of their lives. The newest approach is the "positively
based behavior modification program." Parents avoid
noticing horrid behavior and reward the good. This yields
excellent results with anxious, guilty children but scarcely
touches these young despots. The psychiatrist can only help
the parents develop firmness and common sense. Responsibility
is best learned in the home.
The parents are an uncomfortable lot, who endure their
progeny as if they were a crown of thorns on the cross of parenthood.
They try so hard they make a mess of things. They
ask me if children may be affected by food additives, hypoglycemia,
or separation anxiety. Their offspring are seeds in the
desert which, with love, will sprout and flower. I am the
expensive gardener who will magically transform the monsters
into marigolds. In fact, children, like flowers, can wilt
from too much care.
The first of these children I clearly recall was a small
sturdy eighteen-month-old name Angel. He had the knack of
turning blue by holding his breath. His mother hovered over
him and attempted to divert his attention as he pulled over
wastebaskets and skillfully emptied drawers. When she
placed him on the couch for a nap, he kicked at her face,
twisted, screamed, and clawed at her dress. Finally, like a
chameleon, he changed from pink to purple. Mother quickly
picked him up.
Another "enfant terrible" was a pert self-possessed young
lady of four. She was piloted to my pediatric waiting room by
an exhausted father. He soon lost himself in Field and
Stream, while she systematically demolished books, toys, and
less aggressive children. After several such encounters, I
removed crayons, scissors, and all breakable objects from the
waiting area. On her next visit she circulated aimlessly about
looking for any sharp or gooey object. There was none. She
spent a few minutes perusing the large lighted tank of tropical
fish. She methodically collected every ash tray in the room,
dumped them together,and,standing on a table, unloaded her
collection on the fish. Father glanced up from his magazine,
groaned, and took her to wash her hands. On their return, she
glanced about to see if the toys had reappeared, then settled
against Daddy, sucking her fist with legs widespread and her
free hand massaging beneath her panties.