Elvina was a self-possessed, brilliant college girl who swept into the student health service demanding information. She certainly did not wish to be examined and refused to reveal her concerns to the receptionist. Once in my office, she produced a notebook and fired a list of questions at me. The interrogation was about sex. In high school she had decided to begin coitus in her first year at college and so she did. Unlike many of her classmates, she obtained contraceptive pills through a free clinic.
She chose an acceptable young
man with similar background. They had sex on the third
date. She had not expected to enjoy it the first time and was
glad to "have it over with." She continued her sexual activities
with other partners but still experienced only mild
excitement. She ran the gamut of books, scented oils, marijuana,
Kegel exercises, and "poppers" to no avail. She asked
me if birth control pills decreased desire, if she could have
her glands checked, and if there was an operation which
would "rearrange" the clitoris. She definitely did not want
therapy.
Elvina described her mother as an ambitious, domineering
lady who organized not only her family but sections of
the community as well. When Elvina was young her mother's
efficiency nearly overwhelmed her. She was terrified of being
swept up in the vacuum cleaner by mistake, or popped into
the washing machine with a load of soiled clothes. Elvina felt
too helpless to complain.
She was certain that there was a
good reason for everything her mother did. Her mother made
sure that Elvina was always suitably occupied. She was to lie
down in order to sleep, sit in order to eat or read, and otherwise
be up and about some worthwhile task. She remembered
no early sex play and doubted if her mother would
have allowed such an inefficient use of time.
Elvina was a
docile but clumsy child who felt especially awkward with
friends her own age. In all of her childhood, she recalled only
one instance of noncompliance. When she was five years old,
her mother served her an inadequately cooked egg. She felt
repulsed by the gleaming gelatinous crown with its bloody
speck.
In spite of her tears, her mother insisted she eat the
egg. After the second bite she vomited her entire meal.
Thereafter, she meticulously removed any trace of egg white
and absolutely refused scrambled eggs. By the time she
entered college, she hastily ate the egg white first in order to
"save the best part for last."
Both Elvina and Mark were bright, productive students
from good, middle-class families. Both perceived the climax
as an achievement and dysfunction as a failure. Both were
reared in the work ethic without any affirmation of the value
of sex. Industry was emphasized to the detriment of passive
erotic pleasuring. Elvina worried so much whether she
would have an orgasm that sex became a chore.
Mark was so
devastated by one episode of impotence that he eliminated
all gratification. Although Mark was treated through analysis
and Elvina entered a sex therapy clinic, both eventually
found relief when they learned to relax and receive erotic
pleasure without concern for performance. They could have
been spared much misery if their parents had prepared them
as well for bed as they did for work.