And what are the "wild explosions" that may result from indelicate management? We must treat sexual matters cautiously lest there be an eruption. The monster within must not be provoked. Sexuality, then, is also a monster. Several other books present masturbation as a necessary part of the learning process, implying that pleasure is secondary or absent.
These texts stress that any continued
interest in touching denotes anxiety. Further investigation,
possible psychotherapy, or restrictions are warranted. Dorothy
Corkville Briggs, in a psychologically sophisticated volume
entitled Your Child's Self Esteem, states that one cannot
prevent the child's initial discovery of the penis, but she reassures
the reader that anyway this is different from the adult
experience.
In Your Child is a Person by Stella Chess and Thomas
Birch, masturbation is presented as an accidental discovery
requiring casual treatment and distinct directives such as,
"People don't do that in public."
Dr. Lee Salk, in What Every Child Would Like His Parents
to Know, continues this theme of casual treatment. One
should "let him know that you know, but ignore the situation
as much as possible." If masturbation seems frequent or
excessive, one might make such statements as "If you want
to do what you are doing, why don't you go off and do it by
yourself?" "I guess it feels good, but why do you do it so
often?" He also indicates that children have a secret hope
that someone will set limits on what is socially acceptable.
Dr. Fitzhugh Dodson is billed as a successor to both Dr.
Spock and Dr. Ginott. In Dodson's book, How to Parent, he
makes a most remarkable statement: "To a toddler, his penis
is no more inherently interesting than his finger or his toes."
This theme of equivalency is continued as he recommends a
positive approach to teaching a boy the word "penis" by
pointing or touching in sequence just as one would teach a
child to identify his ears or nose. He doesn't cover how to
teach the words "clitoris" or "vagina" to little girls.
The popular books on parenting present consistent and
culturally acceptable views of children's sexuality. The sexy
child remains a threat to parental self-esteem by evoking
fears of loss of control or moral disintegration. The authors
recommend that we overlook, disapprove of, or correct eroticism
in children. A few, caught in the midst of cultural dissonance,
devalue sex or relate it to learning rather than
feeling. Thus it is necessary but never nice. The child contends
with absent, ambiguous, or negative responses from
his parents. He quickly senses their anxiety and need for
constraint. He correctly interprets sex as a distressing or
cumbersome area.
How can we align these views of sexuality with the adult
inclination toward increasing depth and richness of the sexual
experience? Small wonder that the sex clinics continue
their exponential expansion. We shall feed them patients in
the future by continuing to inhibit and distort the sexual
drives in our children. Nowhere is the need for prevention as
great. Yet parents, in their misguided search for the proper
approach, continue to saddle children with vestiges of the
Victorian ethic.
In the last century we have progressed from picturing the
erotic child as a diseased pervert to seeing him or her as a
behavioral problem demanding considered restraint. Some
parents are now able to tolerate, but not enjoy, some sexual
expression, especially if they don't have to view it.
As a culture we remain preoccupied with penis size and
penis envy. When will we begin systematically to develop
penis pride in our boys and feelings of clitoral worth in our
girls?